Sunday 14th April


Darebin Falcons vs. Bulleen Lions
Division 2
4 – 1



I don’t even know where to begin with this one.


“Playas be foulin’ and offsidin’ like cray-cray and I’m all like, ‘Can everyone just take a chill pill PLEASE? [sic]”


Not an exact quote perhaps but I’m sure all present would agree that this sums up the general vibe on the day (Marbo was not the vibe in this instance).

Tensions seemed to be running high from the beginning and only got worse as the minutes ticked by.

I don’t think it helped when we were like BOOM! GOAL. BOOM! GOAL. BOOM! GOAL. BOOM! GOAL, although technically speaking two of them were more like b………………………………………………………………oom.

I’m sure the crowd’s collective intake of breath depleted Preston of its atmospheric oxygen as these balls gracefully deflected off socks, gloves and butts to roll casually across the line as if unaided by human touch.

If those goals weren’t convincing enough Beth and Birdy delivered some unquestionable plowerhouses to seal the deal. BOOM! PLOWERHOUSE!



Darebin Falcons vs. Keilor Wolves
Division 3


I missed the beginning of this match but made it just as it started to absolutely piss with rain. It did not look fun. In addition to the wealth of fresh mud on the ground the grass was rather long, making for a game in which both the players and the ball could barely move. Despite this the Falcons were having the time of their lives, much like in the song from Dirty Dancing, and who doesn’t feel a surge of adrenaline during the pre-chorus of that song? It’s going to be in your head whenever you play in the rain now. You can thank me on game day (cue saxophone solo). Despite a killer goal from the boot of Sheila the wolves could not be kept from the door and destroyed the Falcons as bloodthirsty wolves are wont to do (see what I did there? Yeah, you see).


Following the second match both celebratory and consolatory drinks were enjoyed back in Coburg. I ate a whole pizza. Moments before leaving Staci ate a chip from a stranger’s long abandoned dinner plate*. “I’m ok with it,” Timms said unapologetically.


*Not true.



Philippa MacKay